it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
