paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
