and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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