Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
one might say we're banned from that church
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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