I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
worst night to have a conscience
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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