dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
