Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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