I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I touched a dick in church today
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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