i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
