I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
