I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
