I need help removing her.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
