The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
