No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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