i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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