It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
