Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
