my soul wont recognize me after tonight
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
