He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Duck Duck Cougar?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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