Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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