I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
