help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
