WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
