its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
