no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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