I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
