I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
