I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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