38 yer olds are good kisserssss
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
