don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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