I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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