apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
