I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize