I have demons in me.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
