don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
