I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize