I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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