if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
this will be a night to untag.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
