So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
