Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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