he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
