just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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