My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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