yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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