I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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