fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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