afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
