You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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