I accidentally had phone sex last night
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
