I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
