Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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