i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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