I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
there is glitter all over my balls
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