She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
