I puked a lego.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
