my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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