remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
