Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
