3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
