I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
