the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
