I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
