On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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