he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
