its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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