And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I need to align my fucking chakras
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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