You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
