my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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