All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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