She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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