Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
